I am running around like a crazy woman preparing for tomorrow’s open house of our Classical Conversations community.

More later on my Halloween evening experiences and a missed opportunity to adequately explain my homeschooling positions.  Muddled.  That’s about all I was.  Too bad people expect me to actually use.my.voice.  I communicate so much better in writing when I have that handy DELETE key! )

It’s Halloween…a day of funky costumes and spooky ghost stories about shadowy figures lurking behind hidden doorways.

Usually I scoff at Halloween superstitions.  But today my reading of Acts 5 brought to light a true supernatural story about shadows.

Supernatural happenings were popping up all over the place.  A man who had been crucified mysteriously disappeared from his tomb and then was found to be alive by at least 500 witnesses.  This same man was lifted up into the heavens, leaving behind disciples who had been touched by what are described as “tongues of flames” of the Holy Spirit.  These men then went out and spread the good news about Jesus being the Messiah to anyone who would hear it, defying the religious rulers and authorities who ordered them to stop preaching in Jesus’ name.  Everywhere they went, people were healed of diseases and came to know the Lord.

These disciples became so popular that crowds came to them.   Sick people were carried to sit or lie by the side of the roads where Peter and his disciples walked to and from the temple where they preached the truth about Jesus.

As a result of the apostles’ work, sick people were brought out into the streets on beds and mats so that Peter’s shadow might fall across some of them as he went by. Crowds came from the villages around Jerusalem, bringing their sick and those possessed by evils spirits, and they were all healed.

Most of the time the word “shadow” has a negative connotation.  When I take the dog outside on a cold day, I’d rather stand in the sunshine than in the shadow of the house.  Shadows make me shiver.  On a hot day, I don’t stand in the shadow of the tree — I stand in the shade.

Yet this account tells us that there was real power in Peter’s shadow.  Multiple people were healed of their diseases simply by sitting in the shadow of one who had walked with the Lord.

It’s important to realize that Peter was not perfect — he denied Christ three times after he was arrested.  He had been an ordinary everyman whose name had been Simon until Jesus gave him the name The Rock.  I wonder if he knew that one day the Lord would use his shadow for miraculous works…

One thing is certain: the man whose shadow fell on the sick and healed them was bold for Christ.  He stood up to the ACLU of his times and pronounced the hard truth no matter what the consequences.

“We must obey God rather than any human authority. The God of our ancestors raised Jesus from the dead after you killed him by hanging him on a cross.1 Then God put him in the place of honor at his right hand as Prince and Savior. He did this so the people of Israel would repent of their sins and be forgiven. We are witnesses of these things and so is the Holy Spirit, who is given by God to those who obey him.”

Does your shadow cast a power by the Holy Spirit?  I think today is a good day to think about those unseen powers in the spiritual realm…real power like Peter’s power, which comes from God above, to be used for Good, not Evil.  Now that’s a supernatural story to beat a haunted house, any day!

This morning I read in Acts 3 about the early Christians taking care of each other.  Not one of their number (and it was over 5000) was in need of anything, because they all shared what they had.  Those who had much liquified some of their holdings in order to help provide for those who had little.

It’s not a coincidence that after reading that story I had the idea to take stock of my closet. It’s the BermudaTriangle of my house and desperately needs organizing.  There are nineteen pairs of shoes and 125 shirts and sweaters.  Not including my pants and dresses.  Not including my husband’s clothing.

What in heaven’s name am I doing with 125 tops?  Yikes!  To be fair to myself, I admit that at least three quarters of them are probably ten years old or older.  But that doesn’t eliminate the fact that there they sit, collecting dust and other closet grubbies, while another Christian somewhere halfway across the world makes do with one or two shirts and one pair of shoes mended with cardboard.

I am just one person.  How can I make a difference?  How can I change my life so that I resemble those first Christians who realized that nothing they owned was really theirs and shared with each other, seemingly without a second thought?  I feel so insignificant in the face of the world’s woes.

Our nation is Lost, with a capital L.  The Muslim countries who vilify us and call us the Great Satan may only be labeling what they see as our consummate greed.  Even those of us who claim to be Christians often live sequestered lives, turning a blind eye and refusing to see, to really see, the world as our God sees it.  Instead, we think of judgmental excuses:

• That homeless man with one arm holding a sign is really just a con artist.
• That one over there is just gonna go buy some dope, so why give him anything?
• What kind of woman with three kids ends up homeless?  She must be on drugs or something.
• Why should I give money to the food bank?  Isn’t that what food stamps are for?
• Those people want to live on the streets.

In this tight economy, we find ourselves holding on to what we have with a death grip, forgetting that everything material is temporary, except the love that we show to each other.  Maybe one reason Christianity is losing ground in our country is that we have stopped taking care of our own…or, at the very least, is because the media has stopped reporting about us taking care of our own.  There is a new religion rising up in the USA.  It’s called Government.  People everywhere are turning to the Government to save them

…from foreclosure
…from unemployment
…from hunger

Why Government?  If there were no needy among us, would the government still feel compelled to step in?

The old song, They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Love, rings hollow today when we spend 105 percent of what we earn (a statistic from 2007, before the recession).  How can we give to others when we are so wrapped up in ourselves?

Oh, that the Lord would just wipe the smudges off our lenses so we could see ourselves as we really are…and then so we’d do something about it.  Repent.  Turn away from materialism. Reach out a helping hand.

There are many avenues to explore, starting with our churches.  Local food banks.  Leftover food from restaurant often gets thrown out.  Discarded clothing ends up in landfills all over the country.  Homeless shelters have many needs.

One of those needs is a family headed by a single mom named Irene.  I don’t know her situation, but whatever it was, she had to leave everything behind her.  Maybe it was spousal abuse.  Maybe her husband became very ill and died, leaving immense medical expenses.  For whatever reason, Irene and her three young children found themselves without a home.  Can you imagine not having a place to lay your head at night?  Can you fathom what it is like to not know where your four year old girl will get her next meal?

A local homeless shelter took her in, and the shelter has been their only home for awhile now while Irene gets back up on her feet.  She has a good job and is about to move into the shelter’s transitional housing program with a twist: she and her children will move into the furnished apartment with the knowledge that everything they see around them: the furniture, the clothing, the food, the dishes, the beds — is now theirs.  When she graduates from the program in eighteen months, she’ll be able to secure her own apartment, or even home, based on the good credit she’s earned, without having to start over.

I have had the immense blessing of partnering with the homeless shelter in this endeavor for Irene.  I’ve used my church and homeschooling contacts to completely furnish Irene’s apartment.  I tell you this not to toot my own horn but to encourage you to follow your own nudgings.  This has all been possible because of God’s blessing and leading and design.  He planted the idea when I saw a newspaper article about the program years ago.  It took several years of desire on my part to do something before enough doors opened to allow me to act.  Words just can’t express the true joy I have experienced through this process.  I scrubbed someone else’s shower and toilet with such vigor (the job required it!) that my muscles shook from exertion.  I wanted it to be clean for Irene, you see.  As I labored, though, I sang, just from the pure joy of using my time to serve someone in need.  This is clearly a new beginning for Irene.  But it is also a new beginning for me!  I am proud of what God has done through my hands and the hands of those of my friends who have pitched in to help.  My utmost hope is that Irene will walk into her new apartment and feel the love her heavenly father has for her.

But this blog isn’t about me, or even about Irene.  It’s about you, Christian.

Somewhere you have seen something about helping others that resonates with your soul: maybe it was something in church or a direct mail advertisement.  Maybe you felt a twinge as you walked past a panhandler downtown or feel drawn to help secure clean drinking water for the millions in the world who have none.  If you are a Christian, then be assured that the Holy Spirit is gently prompting you to action, whatever that may be.

We will never reflect Christ as we should until we step out in faith and love others.  We will never reflect our Lord until we put the welfare of others above ourselves.  That kind of love is attractive.  As Toby Mac aptly puts it,

Love is in the house and the house is packed
So much so I left the back door cracked
Mama always said it’s a matter of fact
that when love is in the house the house is packed…”

I pray we will each take a moment to reflect that our lives aren’t about us.  He created each one of us for purposes beyond ourselves.  Even Jesus, the Lord we love, existed for a purpose beyond his status as God’s Only Son: he existed for God’s Glory.  He constantly looked for ways to glorify God, whether it was by restoring someone’s sight, turning water into wine, or raising a person from the dead.  He told us that we would do GREATER things than those miracles, for God’s glory.

Do you believe Him?

Like Jesus, you exist for God’s Glory.  How will you reflect the Glory this week?

We had a nice long weekend in downtown Chicago.  The people were very friendly, and despite the chilly weather and the rain, we managed to do some sightseeing.  I really enjoyed meeting many of my husband’s relatives.  A wedding is a great reason to celebrate!

Another reason I had for celebrating is that I did not have any chest pain the whole trip.  Not on the plane, not during social situations (which is when it usually hits me), and not during any of the many meals we ate.  I praise God for that because the previous week I had several days when that afternoon chest pain settled in.  Sometimes I have to go to bed, prop myself up on pillows, and get lost in a book before the pain begins to abate. I can only thank the Lord for protecting me from that pain during the trip.

My husband and daughter went up to the 103rd floor of the Sears Tower (now called the Willis Building).  They stood on a glass observation deck 103 stories above the earth, and while my daughter giggled and loved the giddy experience, my husband felt, for the first time, a twinge of panic.  He told me last night that he now has perhaps a little inkling of what it is that I go through.  I went to a before-the-wedding party on the 44th floor of the hotel and gritted my teeth the entire time.  The super fast elevator messed with my inner ear and made me dizzy…but I did not let that fear conquer me.  He was proud of me.  I was glad the Lord gave me a strong man whose hand in mine gives me courage I didn’t know I possessed.

Before I met my husband, I did not take elevators.  Ever.  Seriously — I walked ten flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator. So…taking an elevator up to the very top of the hotel was a huge accomplishment for me. Growth is a good thing even when it comes hand in hand with growing pains.

I read a news story today that reported on another study about the “obesity epidemic” among children.  The culprit, according to the story, is the unhealthy school lunch paid for by the government (in other words, paid for by taxpayers) to feed children whose parents can’t afford to feed them.

Let me get this straight: these children are so poor and hungry that they are……..obese?

Is anyone else out there puzzling over this discrepancy?

There is no doubt that the Lord calls us to feed those who are hungry, but I think His definition of “hungry” might differ from our government’s definition of hungry.  I’m thinking of the children in Africa who are literally skin and bones, whose bellies poke out not from too many twinkies and cokes but from malnutrition.  These children might get one bowl of rice a day, period.  No strawberries or apples or bananas.  No carrots or green beans or salad.  Just rice.  Those are the kids who truly need $2.92 a meal, which is what a typical school meal costs.

Our government nannies at the Department of Agriculture dictate that our US kids need more fruit and vegetables and whole grains, and they require schools districts who get federal lunch money (taxpayer lunch money) to provide meals that adhere to the food pyramid guidelines.  I’m okay with that — I’d much rather my tax dollars pay for homemade bread than pop tarts — but there’s a catch (of course).  The government (again, that means we the taxpayers) only pays out $2.68 per lunch.  According to the School Nutrition Association, each “free” lunch costs about $2.92 each.  Who makes up the difference?  We do.  To cover the cost differential, schools increase the cost of lunch for everyone else.

What does this twenty-four cent difference mean for the average taxpayer who does not qualify for the free lunch program?

In 2007, 5.1 Billion free lunches were served.  At a twenty-four cent shortfall per lunch, that means there were $1.2 million between what those lunches cost and what taxpayers paid.  Those of you whose children eat school lunches paid extra, on top of what you already pay in income tax, to cover the difference.

During the general election I wrote a blog about Michelle Obama’s comments regarding making sure that everyone “gets a piece of the pie.”

Hmmm.  What kind of pie was she referring to?  The School Lunch pie?  The Medicaid pie?  How about that Social Security pie?

What kind of pie do you deserve?

Me?

I’d rather serve it than eat it.

¹²When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them.¹³“You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. ¹⁴Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. ¹⁵I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. ¹⁶I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. ¹⁷Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
John 13

I know those God-colored glasses are around here somewhere…

I had a call today from the oncology nurse.  The CT scan showed “borderline enlarged” supraclavical lymph nodes.  The doctor wants me to have a repeat chest CT scan in 3 months to see if there has been any change in their sizes.

I very politely and sweetly spoke with the nurse, but the moment I hung up the phone, I fell apart.  I cried buckets of tears…called my husband.  Called my mother-in-law.  Cried some more.

Not another CT scan!  I lost four pounds in one day the last time I had to endure the xray tube.  The anxiety is just too much to handle, and I feel bruised and broken all over.

Then I came across a mommy devotion by Lisa Welchel.  The title?  ”Where is God in all of this?”

Lisa quotes a devotion from Oswald Chambers:

Behold, He cometh with clouds.  -Revelation 1:7

In the Bible clouds are always connected with God. Clouds are those sorrows or sufferings or providences, within or without our personal lives, which seem to dispute the rule of God. It is by those very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith.

Cloudy is an apt description of the state of my thoughts and my faith.  I do take comfort, though, in knowing that hidden within those clouds is a rainbow.

Again, I need special glasses to see it.

Until then, a song keeps running through my head.  I share it with you here:

Saying “Blessed be the name of the LORD,” while walking in the wilderness, is a CHOICE.  It is not easy, especially for someone like me who likes very much to be in control, to let go.  To bless the name of the Lord…because…

• HE is holy
• HE is the light
• HE is my Creator
• HE is my Salvation
• HE is my hope
• HE is my strength
• HE includes me in his family
• HE collects all my tears in a bottle
• HE cares for me
• HE knows me…and loves me anyway.

So I will praise Him through these clouds until I catch a glimpse of the rainbows hidden inside.

Today’s blog is a confession.  I have been battling writer’s block.  Carpal tunnel is making my writing jaunts fewer and far between, but I compose blogs in my head all day long!  I read something in the newspaper….or hear something in a sermon….or read something in the Bible…or observe something beautiful and want to share it.  But then when I sit down to write, all words stop.  I think this has a lot to do with the state of my relationship with my God.  You see, I am walking in the desert place.  I have unresolved health issues and am striving with a medical culture that thinks nothing of over-testing and under-reporting and that places no credence of the Power and Reality of God.  I have real struggles with phobias that pull me down in the quagmire, leaving me physically exhausted and emotionally drained.  My Bible reading seems forced.  My worship — which used to be bubbly and joyful with outstretched arms — now feels subdued.

Today’s sermon, in part, dealt with having joy in all circumstances.

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say, Rejoice. (Phil 4:4)

I think the preposition “in the Lord” must be the key to being able to have joy while walking through the wilderness.  Truthfully, as I sit and write here today, there is no joy in me.  Joy is not to be mistaken with happiness.  Happiness is fleeting — but joy is much bigger.  It is a framework through which we can look at life…like God-colored glasses.  When I am trudging through this desert, how do I perceive the sand swirling around me?

Have I been blinded?  Or do I use my God-colored glasses to see the true reality in the spiritual realm — that the Lord himself is watching over me?

I sobbed my way through the song Amazing Love today because I really can’t get my mind around the fact that God wants me.

Amazing love, how can it be? That you my King would die for me?  Amazing love, I know it’s true…and it’s my joy to honor you…

The Lord redeemed me…so why do I still feel like damaged goods?  Why do I feel worthless and unlovable?

Cause I took off my God-colored glasses and have been wallowing in the sand, that’s why!

A joyful response to the desert in my spiritual life would be…what?  To keep walking.  To stand firm.  To refuse to allow the enemy to convince me that I am beyond saving and worthless.  To focus my inward eyes on the Lord who takes me by the hand and guides me, trusting that these words still hold true, over 2000 years since they were first written:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4)

Now if only I could remember where I put those glasses….

I went in today for a CT Scan.  For most people, such a test would be no big deal.  Just drink the stuff they give you, present your arm for the IV, and wham bam get the scans done and leave.

I wish with all my strength that I could have been such a person.

Instead, I battled Fear.  I went in unprepared spiritually for such a battle.  Oh, I’d read my scriptures this morning, but that old Anxiety monster reared its ugly head.  Seven hours later, I’m still feeling the effects of the panic attack.

The first battle was trying to drink the “dye.”  It was flavored like lemonade, but I had an empty stomach (I’d been fasting) and  I have never been able to “gulp” down any drink.  Too afraid it would come back up!  So I sat and sipped a miniscule amount.

The next battle was deciding to let the technician put the contrast agent in my IV.  I was shaking uncontrollably at this point.  He rattled off sensations I might feel, and I panicked when he said I’d have a metallic taste in my mouth.  There’s a backstory to this one — way back when I was pregnant with my second baby who is now in heaven, the doctors treated me with all kinds of meds to try to get the nausea at bay.  One of the meds gave me a metallic taste in my mouth just prior to an attack of nausea.  Maybe that’s why I was so stricken.  I’m not sure.  I can’t explain it.

I started to cry and told him I couldn’t do it.  After a few false starts, I thought of my daughter and went ahead with the procedure.

I’ve been emotional ever since. Tears of disappointment in myself.  I just about fell apart in that radiation room, and I am not even facing the same things the other patients there are probably facing!  Where was my faith?  It was gone.  I was in the boat in the middle of the storm, terrified of the wind.  The Lord was right there but still I cried and trembled and wished desperately that I could control these panic reactions.  I did not feel his presence with me in that room.  I wish I could say that I did.

I feel His presence now.  I know he never left me.  And ultimately it was HIS strength that got me to go through with it at all, because I was a millisecond away from jumping off the table.

I came across another familiar verse yesterday that is sticking with me for some reason.  Jesus quoted the scripture about the cornerstone in Luke 20:

The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone
Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed.”

I used to pass over that verse thinking that it didn’t apply to me, but now I’m not so sure.  I looked up the Greek word for “falls” — and one of its meanings is to fall prostrate before someone.  Perhaps it means that those of us who follow Jesus, who fall at his feet, are the ones who will be broken to pieces.  Perhaps we have to be broken to pieces so He can remake us again.

If that’s the case, he has a regular Humpty Dumpty on his hands with me today, because I feel broken and bruised, physically (from the anxiety attack earlier — sore neck, weak, shaky legs, extreme fatigue) and emotionally (why didn’t I feel Him?)

Fortunately, the fact that I didn’t perceive Him is irrelevant.  He was there.  My King WILL put me back together again.  Someday.

I haven’t actually been keeping count of the reasons why my family chooses to homeschool, but the number in the title isn’t an accident.  That’s the number of teachers in the U.S.  Most of these teachers do an excellent job educating even within the constraints given them by the State.  Some of them, however, are unfortunately going several steps beyond educating and are indoctrinating your children.  Consider this video of children singing a song about President Obama:

Those of you who attend Tea Parties and who advocate smaller government must understand that you embrace the “s” word (Socialism) every time you put your children on the government school bus.  Every year when you trust someone else to teach your kids what the Government thinks they need to know, you are embracing socialism.  You are allowing public money to be spent on your children’s education.

In case you think this song was a one-time affair, consider the response of Superintendent Christopher Manno, who focused his comments not on the indoctrination itself, but on the filming itself:

“The recording and distribution of the class activity were unauthorized,” he wrote in a note to parents and the media.

You see, to the State, what goes on behind classroom doors should stay behind classroom doors.

A friend posted this on FaceBook.  I had to share…if you watch it, did you get goose bumps?