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Where does faith come from?
That question popped in my head today after I read this in Romans 4:
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”[d] 19Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. 20Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 21being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. 22This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.” 23The words “it was credited to him” were written not for him alone, 24but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. 25He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.
Where did Abraham’s faith come from, and where can I get faith like that?
I have faith that the ground is going to hold me up when I stand up to walk. I have faith that the trees outside will most likely stay rooted in the ground and won’t come crashing down on me when I go for a walk in the woods. But that’s a different kind of faith, isn’t it?
In Romans 10, Paul teaches us that we get our faith from hearing the Word:
Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.
There are so many references to faith in the Bible that I can’t possibly write them all here. I’ve looked at many in the New Testament, and in each one the Greek word is pistis, which means conviction and strong belief in the truth as it pertains to God and to Christ.
I am somewhat encouraged in my need for a refill of faith when I see that Peter — the Rock — the same one who saw all Jesus’ miracles first-hand, had trouble believing. Peter was amazed to see that a tree that Jesus cursed had withered and died within one day:
1Peter remembered and said to Jesus, “Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!” 22“Have[f] faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23“I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. 24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
Usually I pay attention to the part of the verse about the mountain falling off into the sea, but today a tiny verb grabbed my attention…the word HAVE. Jesus gave us a simple command about faith. He tells us to HAVE it. The word for HAVE is echo, and digging deeper into what it means reveals a little more about what Jesus meant. HAVE isn’t just HAVE the way we use it casually, as in, “have a good day!” No, echo means “to have” in the sense of holding onto something in your hand or in your mind…it means to own, to possess, and to cling to.
Hmmm. In light of that definition, I see that Jesus is telling me to cling to my faith in God. Hold onto it like my daughter holds onto my hand when we cross a busy street. Possess it in my mind. Keep it ever present in my thoughts…keep a strong conviction in my mind that God WILL DO what he promises.
The act of clinging to faith implies that faith is something that can be grasped. It is an invisible power that is grasped in our minds and in our hearts.
Who would have thought a little bitty word like HAVE could change the landscape of my ideas about faith? Now, that’s what I call getting a refill!
With a title like EverFaith, one might get the impression that I am faithful always. But this is an electronic journal, of sorts, and I wouldn’t be honest if I only posted those th0ughts which were faithful and righteous. That would be a lie — because I am not always faithful, and I am certainly not always righteous.
I’m up against a brick wall these days. I am being pressed and am under some sort of spiritual attack, if my feelings are any indicator of such things. Several months ago, I felt a call to become a director of a local Classical Conversations community. Stepping out into this role was an act of faith: I know nothing about running a business, much less running one successfully. I am surrounded by women who have been homeschooling ever since homeschooling was illegal in Texas (years and years), and who have the benefit of having schooled multiple children. Here I am, a woman with three years of homeschooling experience with just one child, setting out on a journey to direct the education of a community of moms and kids. My husband supports me, but I found out today that my daughter does not.
I don’t think God called you to do this,”
she told me this morning while we were snuggling on the couch.
If he had, why are you so stressed out all the time? You are a stay-at-home mom, not a business mom.”
Immediately my voice rang out like a whip as I reprimanded her (for speaking her mind?) and ordered her to go upstairs. Then I retreated into my bedroom and closed — and locked — the door. Next, I threw all the clothes out of my dresser in a frenzied effort to reclaim some semblance of order to the chaos (a task I’ve been putting off for months!), and my mind began exploring those God has called in the past who were unlikely leaders.
- Moses — called to speak to Pharaoh even though he had a speaking impediment.
- David — just a boy, called to defeat the nine foot Goliath
- Mary — just a girl, called to be the mother of God’s own son
- Rahab — a prostitute, called to protect the spies
But I’m beginning to doubt whether I could possibly be in the ranks among them. There is no way. I look at my soul, and I despair that God could possibly love a wretch like me. I am riddled with fear and anxiety. My husband is planning another overseas trip for the family, and once again, I am too anxious to go or to even think about going. I lose my temper and my tongue says ugly things to those I love. My life is consumed with staying in control: of myself, of my child’s education, of keeping out germs, even of my dog. Yet I am not in control. God is. And I can just see him shaking his head in despair over the ruined vessel I am.
How can I possibly lead a homeschool community when I am paralyzed with anxiety about stomach bugs? When the act of hosting an info meeting wipes me out for two days afterward? When the temptation to take things personally lays my heart out to bleed and brings on discouragement? The only thing I have going for me is the passion He has given me for classical education and the model Classical Conversations provides…and that passion is slowly deflating as the enemy lobs painful jabs that come at me from unexpected places. Like my daughter.
How do you know it was the LORD telling you to do CC, mom? How do you know this is right for our family?
she asked me today. I told her it was a feeling I had in my heart that came from the Holy Spirit. Or so I thought. Now I’m starting to doubt. Did I delude myself into thinking this was the right path in some twisted way to gain some secret fame? Did I become a director in order to “lord it over” others, to be in control?
Control is appealing to someone like me, but I think I did it because I believed in my heart that it was what God wanted of me. But what if I was wrong? What if I deluded myself into thinking it was what God wanted when what it really was, was me wanting to assert this program for my child without having to drive halfway across town? What if this is the wrong path for me?
I have given my requests to the Lord. He knows what my community needs (child care, more families, etc). But he operates on his own timeline…not mine. Obviously. Since I still don’t have someone available to provide childcare for our youngest children. Since two families who were interested backed out. I know He knows what is best. Telling my mind that is easy. Believing it isn’t.
I told my daughter that if I am even remotely successful at this, it will be proof of God working through me. Because there is no way I am adequate standing on my own. My faith reserves are low. My passion is deflating. I am tired and emotional, prone to tears at any moment. A doctor would probably prescribe anti-anxiety and anti-depressant drugs to try to fix the mess in my head. But…here’s the rub….I am too anxious about medications to take anything! Seriously! I am severely deficient in Vitamin D and was prescribed some horsepills to take. But I won’t do it. Why? Because I don’t want an upset stomach. I am a basket case.
Oh, if He would just show me what He wants from me!
I did not find relief from my daily Bible reading. In 2Samuel, I read about David having a hard time forgiving his one son for killing the other (took him over 2 years to do so). In Jeremiah, I read about God’s people turning their backs on Him over and over again (such a depressing book in the Bible). And then in Romans 2, I read this:
Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? But because you are stubborn and refuse to turn from your sin, you are storing up terrible punishment for yourself. For a day of anger is coming, when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed. He will judge everyone according to what they have done.
Is His kindness intended to turn me away from anxiety? How do I turn myself away from myself? Is it stubborness that prevents me from going overseas with my family? My own mother admits (from personal experience with me) that for me to go with them would be for EVERYONE to have a terrible time because my anxiety is that extreme. Is anxiety a sin? That’s fodder for a whole series of posts. Maybe coming soon, if I can bring myself to write them.
I heard a sermon the other day where the pastor quoted this statement:
Christians today ought to live a life that demands an explanation.
Our lives are to look different than the lives of those around us.
Does your life look different? Does mine?
This question has generated much discussion in our family. One of the assertions of the author of the Blue Parakeet book (which I finished this morning, yea!) is that not all of Jesus’ commands are applicable to today. I want to explore that assertion by examining for myself Jesus’ commands. I’ll begin in the book of Matthew:
“Repent of your sins and turn to God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near.
Can we follow that command in today’s world? Yes! Repenting is not just a “please forgive me” statement. It is a word that implies action. Someone who has been actively involved in a sin actively turns his back on that sin and moves off in a new direction, towards God. One of the sins I found myself committing is the sin of coveting materials things I don’t have. In repentence, I mute the television during commercials and put advertisements into the recycle bin without even looking at them. When I find myself struggling with selfishness and the Holy Spirit brings that to my attention, I need to immediately repent and intentionally redirect my thoughts towards God and others rather than on myself.
“God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you[c] and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. 12 Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven.
Are we Christians good about following this command of Jesus? I’m not. I get offended when the government takes God out of life and when the ACLU sues school districts for allowing prayer. It makes me feel angry when I overhear nonbelievers saying ugly things about those of us who follow Christ. Just yesterday there was an article out about the outgoing General Counsel of the NEA, Bob Chanin, who said,
“We are not paranoid, someone really is after us. Why are these conservative and right-wing b****rds picking on NEA and its affiliates? I will tell you why: it is the price we pay for success.”
The NEA issued a handbook about us Christian right-wingers in 1996 that said, in part, about the “radical right’s crusade against public schools”:
“They won’t go away. No matter how bizarre we believe their beliefs to be, no matter how illogical and inconsistent their goals appear, and no matter how often we reassure ourselves that ‘this too, shall pass,’ the political, social, and religious forces that make up the radical right in contemporary American society will not go away.”
Are we happy about that? No, as a whole we are not. We gripe about it in blogs. We tell Christian teachers to quit the NEA and stop sending them dues each year. But it is possible for us to be glad about it! It requires a renewing of our mindsets. We have been so blessed in our religious freedom that we have forgotten what it means to be blessed through persecution. Perhaps our time has come. Note to self: quit griping and start celebrating! Yea!! The media dissed Christians today!! Yea! President Obama denied that we are a Christian nation! If we truly follow Jesus, we will rejoice. Why? Because of the great reward that is coming!
In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.
We sing about that command…a great song by the Newsboys called Shine as well as a children’s song, “This Little Light of Mine.” I think it is significant to note here that in order to follow this command to shine, we must first do something. Good deeds. Is that possible in today’s world? Of course! Here are a few ideas. Some of them I’ll have to try myself!
- Tell the drive through worker you want to pay for the order for the car that is behind you.
- Take meals to neighbors who are sick.
- Pass on hand-me-down clothes to those who can’t afford to buy them for their kids or themselves.
- Stock the food pantry at your church or neighborhood on a regular basis.
- Keep a stash of granola bars or other food in your car and hand them out to the homeless (or homeless pretenders) standing on street corners. What does it matter whether the person is genuinely needy? God knows your heart! Your light shines either way!
- Consider becoming a foster parent.
- Get to know your neighbors. How can you love them if you don’t even know their names?
The list could go on and on! The point is, this is a command that, if we actually followed it, Christians and therefore Christ would be lifted up in honor! For us to say we follow Christ but then to sit on our laurel without actually doing the good deeds he commands us to do makes us no better than the Pharisees. It makes us hypocrites.
“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’[d] 22 But I say, if you are even angry with someone,[e] you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot,[f] you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone,[g] you are in danger of the fires of hell.[h]“So if you are presenting a sacrifice[i] at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, 24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.
Is it possible to follow this command in today’s world? We don’t offer sacrificial animals…but we do make our offerings in church. How do you approach the offering plate? Do you toss in your check without thinking? Jesus clearly tells us to delay our offerings until we are reconciled to those around us. This is a difficult thing to do. It’s much easier for me to sweep something under the rug or to ignore it. But here’s a litmus test: if whatever it is makes you fret or obsess or want to discuss it with your husband or a close friend — then chances are you need to go be reconciled to that person. Ack! It is uncomfortable to confront these people, especially when you love them. It’s easier to confront a stranger (i.e, the rude store clerk or salesperson on the phone) than it is to confront someone you love. Yet Jesus clearly tells us to be reconciled. To seethe inwardly leads to anger which leads to cursing which leads to the fires of hell….a place where none of us want to be!
“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’[k] 28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 So if your eye—even your good eye[l]—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your hand—even your stronger hand[m]—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
This is a big one, and not just for the guys. Jesus calls us to guard our eyes. Don’t let our eyes lead us into lust. I’m reminded of Casting Crown’s song, Slow Fade, that addresses this issue. Indeed, as the lyrics say, people never crumble in a day. I make it a point to not cultivate friendships with men or to be alone with them. It’s my way of making sure that the slow fade never catches hold of me: if I don’t engage in conversation or close friendships with men who are not my husband, then there is no opportunity for sin. Perhaps to some of you this is an extreme behavior on my part: but look again at what Jesus commands us: it’s better to cut off your hand than to commit adultery in your heart!
I’ve just gone through Matthew, halfway through chapter 5, and found these commands. I encourage you to not take my word for it. Seek out Jesus’ commands and think about how you can follow them in your life today so that your life demands an explanation, so that those around you notice your light shining. In a world where conformity is preached from Kindergarten through college, being different is discouraged. But you, be encouraged!
And be ready to give an explanation.
I’m still plodding through the Blue Parakeet book. I am so frustrated lately because I have started way too many books and can’t seem to make any progress on any of them. So my new method is to plow through them one at a time. Since the book club meeting is in early August, I decided to finish the parakeet first.
The crux of the Blue Parakeet book is that the author believes women should not be “caged” in the church and should be allowed to be ministers and pastors of churches. He maintains that many of the commands we find, even those in the New Testament, are not applicable to today. For example, the command by Paul in 1 Timothy 2 that men are to raise their arms in prayer is not followed today. Because most don’t follow it, the author states that it isn’t applicable. And that is where my spirit says WHOA! Slow down. Most people don’t drive the speed limit, but that doesn’t mean it is no longer applicable.
The truth is that Paul’s words are his words, and Paul was not Christ. He preached Christ, and he brought the gospel to many, many people. But I believe the answer to the women in ministry question lies in four words Paul prefaced his “women should be silent” command in 1Timothy 2:
11A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 12I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.
Notice he did not say that CHRIST does not permit. He says that he himself does not permit. That implies a distinction between what Paul preaches is the word of God and his own words.
It is also apparent that even Paul wasn’t clear in his thoughts about women in the church because there are several examples in his writings of him commending women in ministry and service to the church. Paul clearly states that women are teachers in the church in Romans 16:
1I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a servant[a] of the church in Cenchrea. 2I ask you to receive her in the Lord in a way worthy of the saints and to give her any help she may need from you, for she has been a great help to many people, including me.
The word “servant” in Greek is diakonos, and it means to minister or to carry out the affairs of a master (i.e., Christ). It is used to describe both women and men and is often translated as “deacon.”
Clearly Paul permitted Phoebe to do more than sit quietly in submission. He asked the Romans to give her any help she needed (i.e, obey her commands!). This leads me to conclude that Paul must have either changed his mind about women in ministry or that we aren’t completely understanding his meaning.
A woman should learn in quietness and submission
perhaps refers to women who don’t yet know the gospel. But his later statements in 1Timothy 2 seem to imply that he means for all women to be silent:
13For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. 15But women[a] will be saved[b] through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.
When I read that verse, I am glad that Paul was not Christ. I think it is important to know the author. Yes, the Lord inspired Paul’s letters to the churches. But does that mean that Paul was perfect? Of course not! He himself admitted that he didn’t do what he knew he should do and that he did what he knew he should not do.
Rather than being legalistic and proclaiming that women should be silent all the time…
Rather than being legalistic and proclaiming that women should be allowed to be leaders in all churches all the time…
I prefer to hold tightly to the words of Christ about the Counselor he has given to us all who believe in Him, from John 14:
16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[c] in you. 18I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live.
25“All this I have spoken while still with you. 26But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Our church body has many parts and expresses faith in many different ways. To those who are called to serve, male or female, I pray the fullness of the Lord will be with them in mighty and powerful ways. To those churches and members who interpret Paul’s words to mean that women should be silent in submission, I pray the fullness of the Lord will be with them in mighty and powerful ways for God’s glory. In the end, it doesn’t matter who the mouthpiece is so long as love for the Lord is in the heart.
The Lord speaks to us through the majesty of creation…through those around us…through His word…and, sometimes, even through a female donkey! Don’t believe me? Check out Numbers 22:
18 But Balaam answered them, “Even if Balak gave me his palace filled with silver and gold, I could not do anything great or small to go beyond the command of the LORD my God. 19 Now stay here tonight as the others did, and I will find out what else the LORD will tell me.”
20 That night God came to Balaam and said, “Since these men have come to summon you, go with them, but do only what I tell you.”
Balaam’s Donkey
21 Balaam got up in the morning, saddled his donkey and went with the princes of Moab. 22 But God was very angry when he went, and the angel of the LORD stood in the road to oppose him. Balaam was riding on his donkey, and his two servants were with him. 23 When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with a drawn sword in his hand, she turned off the road into a field. Balaam beat her to get her back on the road.24 Then the angel of the LORD stood in a narrow path between two vineyards, with walls on both sides. 25 When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she pressed close to the wall, crushing Balaam’s foot against it. So he beat her again.
26 Then the angel of the LORD moved on ahead and stood in a narrow place where there was no room to turn, either to the right or to the left. 27 When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat her with his staff. 28 Then the LORD opened the donkey’s mouth, and she said to Balaam, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?”
29 Balaam answered the donkey, “You have made a fool of me! If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now.”
30 The donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?”
“No,” he said.31 Then the LORD opened Balaam’s eyes, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown.
32 The angel of the LORD asked him, “Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me. [c] 33 The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times. If she had not turned away, I would certainly have killed you by now, but I would have spared her.”
34 Balaam said to the angel of the LORD, “I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now if you are displeased, I will go back.”
35 The angel of the LORD said to Balaam, “Go with the men, but speak only what I tell you.” So Balaam went with the princes of Balak.
This is a photo of my hand during a Raynaud’s attack. The capillaries collapse and restrict blood flow. Some nerves in that middle finger have been damaged from blood loss, but now that I know what this is, I can take precautions in cold or chilly weather.
Since that time, my whole hands have become white like that one finger. It is incredibly painful and is next to impossible to use my hands for anything; I lose my grip on the car keys and drop them. I have trouble curling my fingers around the steering wheel. Now that I drive a car with “bun warmers,” I frequently crank them up to high and sit on my hands for awhile until they warm up and blood flow is restored.
It feels strange to blog about the cold when it is currently 104 degrees outside my window. But this phenomenon has sent me on a medical journey that is twisting in strange and convoluted ways! I have to blog about these recent happenings so I can refocus my thoughts on Christ, let the peace of God guard my heart and my mind, and dwell on Him who is holy. He who is in me is greater than He who is in the world!
Raynaud’s is an auto-immune disease with no known cause. It can be hereditary or it can arise on its own. I took the photo of my hand and took it to my doctor three years ago because the pain was intense and I had lost some feeling in the tip of my finger. The doctor loved my photo and asked if he could show it to the staff because he said it was a “classic” example of Raynaud’s phenomenon. Then he referred me to a rheumatologist in order to rule out any additional auto-immune diseases. Raynaud’s is sometimes a precursor to a slew of connective tissue diseases, such as Lupus, Scleroderma, etc. Many times it simply exists on its own. Not everyone who has Raynaud’s has Lupus, but 90% of those who have Lupus also have Raynaud’s.
A year and a half ago I had the first round of annual blood work to check for inflammation and other signs of Lupus. The only abnormal finding was the presence of anticardiolipin antibodies. The human body naturally produces cardiolipin, which is a molecule found in the blood that regulates blood clotting. Sometimes the body thinks cardiolipin is an intruder and forms antibodies against it; this can create a propensity for blood clots and lead to recurrent miscarriages or infertility.
Some of you may remember me blogging about pain in my hand. It has continued to “flare” on and off, although the pain has not returned to such severe levels. There is still some swelling in the tissues surrounding my thumb on the top of my hand, but I show no signs of joint problems. It’s a mystery! And it’s also a possible indicator of yet another autoimmune problem.
My rheumatologist left his practice, so I had to start all over with a new doctor who I visited last week. This man puts the word “thorough” in the dictionary. He wanted to know
about every little symptom and had me assign a number to describe the severity of each. He wanted to know about when these symptoms started (10 years ago? 20?) and how long they last. He ordered a slew of blood tests (can you say 10 vials?). He also sent me on another journey that raised my anxiety level up a notch: to the cardiologist. I had to check “yes” in the box next to the symptom “experienced chest pain.” My panic attacks frequently are accompanied by an extreme pain in my chest; it’s a pressure pain that makes it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. Which is a classic sign of a heart attack. So, the doctor wanted me evaluated by a heart specialist, and, since our deductible has been met this year, off to the cardiologist I went.
I have just returned from my first visit with probably the best doctor I have ever encountered. I noticed on a plaque on the wall that he was the president of the staff during the 1980s and again in the 1990s. It’s no wonder. I guess it is a good thing that a heart doctor would have a gentle demeanor! Can you imagine one who barked at you like Hitler? Overall the visit was reassuring. I have none of the “heart disease” markers. I am underweight, not overweight. My blood pressure is on the low side. But there is a rare autoimmune disease which can affect the arteries that go to the heart. His instinct is that I am fine and that the chest pain I experience is related to my muscles in the chest wall contracting in a panic episode. However, he wants to rule out any heart involvement. He wants to prove that it is not my heart causing my pain, and he wants to make sure that there is no scarring on my arteries or my heart, which could happen if they have been collapsing at the same time the capillaries in my hands have been collapsing. Again, this would be a very rare thing to happen.
So…the bottom line is I go next week for an echocardiogram, which is a sonogram of my heart. I will also take home an “event monitor” to attach to my chest when I am in the throes of another attack of chest pain. The monitor will show whether or not my heart is involved in the pain.
I’m still sorting out how I feel about all this. Glad, because there has always been a little worry in the back of my head every time I get an intense attack of chest pain that it might be my heart. At least this way, I’ll know for sure. Relieved, because this doctor is a man of God. He is Jewish and a published author and speaker on healing — and my spirit instantly told me that this man does put God first. God has his finger on the “hold” button, waiting for his preordained number of Gentiles to come to him (see Daniel), and then he’ll soften the hearts and open the eyes of His people…including this doctor. Wow.
I also feel some worry. All these autoimmune things are distracting. It will feel good to have all the results back, no matter what they may be. The Lord is going to keep me here until he needs me with him. He is the great Healer and can, with a blink of an eye, restore all my blood and antibodies and heart and muscles and capillaries to good condition. Yet if he chooses not to, then I will glorify Him through my journey. He is God. I am not. He created me, and one day I will leave this body for a perfect one….one that does not have autoimmune diseases. In the meantime, I can continue to do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
Knowing that I am having an echocardiogram makes me take in this verse a little differently:
7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7
He’s got my innards covered!
Every now and then, something jars my memory, and I’m lost in grief all over again. I’m working on sorting through paperwork at my desk, and the sound of my neighbor’s big dog barking triggers the phantom sound of my sweet Dalmatian barking at the bunnies outside. I hear the sound echo in my ears. For a split second, I thought he was still here.
I miss you, sweet doggy boy.
I’ve been thinking a lot about obedience lately, thanks to my daily Bible readings. A recent reading in 1 Samuel has my head — and my heart — all tied up in knots.
Much is written about King David, but the only thing we Christians think of when we remember King Saul is his demented soul at the end of his reign. We remember that he was paranoid and that he intended to kill David.
I think, though, that a little bit of Saul resides in each one of us. I call it “misguided obedience.” It’s when we tack our own will onto God’s orders. It happens when we think we know what’s best for us despite what God tells us. We delude ourselves into thinking we are walking in obedience, when actually we are twisting the Lord’s will to our own purposes.
We aren’t alone in this sin — we people of faith have been deluding ourselves ever since Adam and Eve second-guessed God and ate fruit from the tree that God had said was not good for them.
In 1 Samuel 15, God decided that he would use Saul and his army to punish the Amalekite nation for the way it had treated Israel. He told Saul to go into that country and to utterly destory everything there, including all the men, women, children…even babies, all the way down to the livestock.
Ouch. That is a tough order to follow. Babies?
Saul took 210,000 men and followed God’s orders…to a point. He put everyone to the sword (apparently even the babies) except King Agag. But he diverged from God’s plan when it came to destroying the livestock the Amalekites had owned. He and his men spared the good stuff — the healthy animals.
(If I had been Saul, I would have had harder time obeying when it came to killing the innocent babies than I would have killing the animals.) Saul even had what he thought was a good reason for not completely obeying God: he intended to use the perfect livestock as burnt offerings to the Lord.
But listen to what Samuel said in response to Saul’s excuse:
13 When Samuel reached him, Saul said, “The LORD bless you! I have carried out the LORD’s instructions.”
14 But Samuel said, “What then is this bleating of sheep in my ears? What is this lowing of cattle that I hear?”
15 Saul answered, “The soldiers brought them from the Amalekites; they spared the best of the sheep and cattle to sacrifice to the LORD your God, but we totally destroyed the rest.”
16 “Stop!” Samuel said to Saul. “Let me tell you what the LORD said to me last night.”
“Tell me,” Saul replied.17 Samuel said, “Although you were once small in your own eyes, did you not become the head of the tribes of Israel? The LORD anointed you king over Israel. 18 And he sent you on a mission, saying, ‘Go and completely destroy those wicked people, the Amalekites; make war on them until you have wiped them out.’ 19 Why did you not obey the LORD ? Why did you pounce on the plunder and do evil in the eyes of the LORD ?”
20 “But I did obey the LORD,” Saul said. “I went on the mission the LORD assigned me. I completely destroyed the Amalekites and brought back Agag their king. 21 The soldiers took sheep and cattle from the plunder, the best of what was devoted to God, in order to sacrifice them to the LORD your God at Gilgal.”
22 But Samuel replied:
“Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD ?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.23 For rebellion is like the sin of divination,
and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.
Because you have rejected the word of the LORD,
he has rejected you as king.”
To obey is better than sacrifice.
By not completely obeying God, Saul was in fact rebelling.
When you and I do not completely obey Christ, aren’t we doing the same thing? Jesus himself stressed the importance of obedience and linked it to love in the book of John, chapter 14:
21Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.”
22Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, “But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?”
23Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. 24He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.
What, then, does Christ command?
That will be the subject of another post! For now, the phrase
To obey is better than sacrifice
is on my mind and in my heart. The reasons for my disobedience is not material. My myriad excuses are simply rebellions dressed up in disguise.
Four hundred eighth graders in Dallas returned to school over their summer break this week to retake the math portion of the TAKS test. Apparently the state was concerned because too many of the students received a “commended” score.
This is another example of a world where up is down and down is up.
Too many students do well on a test, and the administration automatically assumes cheating was somehow involved. Only this time, they didn’t implicate the students in the cheating. Well, who else? Did the teachers stay behind and secretly change answers on the answer sheets? Most of America’s school children are being taught in a system that assumes failure. What does that say about the quality of education? (The teachers themselves are, on the whole, outstanding. The system in which they are forced to work…with all the emphasis on standardized, multiple choice tests rather than well-thought-out arguments in the later years or memorization work in the early years…requires that they are just as trapped as their students.)
I recently attended an outstanding parent practicum of Classical Conversations. The next one in Texas will be held in July in San Antonio. I strongly urge all parents, whether they are homeschoolers or not, to attend one of these free 3-day practicums. The information you learn will change the way you think about education in America. It will cause you to question your own learning and might lead you to conclude, as I did, that most of the political and economic problems in this country today are directly the result of the inadequate education our current leaders received in schools.
I consider myself one of those who was inadequately educated. Like Leigh Burton, the founder of Classical Conversations, states in her book, An Echo in Celebration, I have a college degree. I graduated with a 4.0 average. Yet I can only speak one language. I couldn’t tell you the names of the constellations or even the names of the countries in South America. When it comes to political upheaval in other parts of the world, I am hard-pressed to find them on a map. I find it extremely difficult to debate anyone on any topic without breaking out in a cold sweat. Sometimes I even suffer panic attacks when a good debater challenges me on my statements because I get so flustered. I always assumed it was because I just wasn’t a debater. Come to find out, it means I am undereducated. Debate skills come naturally to a few, but rhetorical skills can actually be taught to everyone. They weren’t taught to me. I had 28 separate teachers throughout high school that taught me different subjects — yet I did not achieve a rhetorical understanding of any of them, nor do I remember much of what I supposedly learned. I was not taught how to train my brain.
Neither were our leaders. We are now faced with an entire generation of leaders in our governments and our businesses whose members were not taught to think on their feet. They were not taught the tools of learning. Is it any wonder, then, that they do such incredibly dumb things such as these?
- Pass a stimulus bill authorizing over $700 Billion in taxpayer funds…without reading it first.
- Give bail-out money to automobile companies…only to find out after the fact that the money wasn’t enough, forcing GM to declare bankruptcy. Why did the government have to do anything anyway? Lots of companies go bankrupt and restructure and reopen leaner and more efficient!
- Impose term-limits on our President but not on our Senators or Congressmen.
- Fail to fix the Social Security system
- Continue to add more and more legalese to the income tax laws which now stack so high that they reach 20ft in the air…rather than scrapping the whole thing and starting fresh
- Focus all the “health care crisis” debate on government intervention…when there are many alternatives on the table that would eliminate fraud and waste and save taxpayers money
I could go on and on here. I’m not just criticizing the current administration. I could bring up examples from the Bush years and the Clinton years, the Reagan years and the Carter ones…all the way back to the 1950s.
As a nation, we have no common sense anymore because common sense is extinct. It is not being taught in public schools, and public schools are now where most of our kids spend about 1,440 hours each year. Education is now viewed as an entitlement rather than a privilege. Parents rely on our schools to baby-sit their kids. That is an ugly truth.
When Ft. Worth schools temporarily shut down in an effort to contain the swine flu, parents got mad. Why? Not because their children missed a week or so of learning, but because they had to find daycare.
